Life at the Tortoise

I always forget how much fun the Green Tortoise can be. No, it's not a posh, upscale hotel like the Mondrian on Sunset or even the W South of Market, but for me, it's the place to stay in San Francisco. I had so much fun there last weekend, it's taken me a week to recover to be able to tell the tale. I arrived on a Friday night around 6:30 P.M. after dragging my suitcase all the way from the Montgomery Street BART station and stopping for a beer at the Catalan Bistro on Belden Place. (This is a great little alley, full of Euro bistro's, tea lights and outdoor seating.) The weather was perfect and the walk was refreshing. Up Kearny to Broadway and the Green Tortoise awaits. I checked into my co-ed dorm and found a free dinner of Shephard's pie and salad. Most people had their own drinks, beers, juice, and a few Bacardi Coolers and I was there empty-handed. Not for long, though. I ran down to the corner store and got a six-pack of Red Stripe and was in business. As I sat there with my little beer, I couldn't help but notice all of the accents murmuring around the common room that overlooks the notorious neon signs boasting sexy ladies, massage and the world famous North Beach night life. As I sat pondering my next move, I looked up and noticed that each Friday night the GT hosts a pub crawl, with "drink specials, great bars and no cover." Nice, an organized pub crawl with fun travelers and accents galore. Sure, it doesn't take much to get me all excited but I seriously couldn't wipe the grin off. I just sat in the lobby waiting, grinning, smiling, refraining from doing a jig...Didn't want to scare the people. From what I could gather, most of the crowd were Brits, Aussies, a couple of Germans and a guy from Spain who was just dancing to the rhythm's in his mind. Around 8, an American guy named Stan popped out, ready to lead us to our first destination, after he reminded us to bring our I.D.'s, cash and dancing shoes. As we left, I had to run up and get my money, and almost missed the boat. Thank goodness for the English girl next to me, who stalled the group until I could catch up.
We started up Broadway and turned right onto Columbus, then down to Grant and into the Magnet Lounge. Cute, small with house music and fruit-infused vodka's. I chose the mango over -ice and when the bartender carded me with "wow...good job," I knew I was in the right place. Luckily, most European boys appreciate older women and I was gawked at for a few good minutes. The crawl took us all over North Beach, into Shannon's, to a couple of bars I can't remember and then finally to the Velvet Lounge, where we were whisked-in without paying a cover charge. We all danced...I in particular was quite the clubby girl, working off a week of hard work, and was so happy to be there I started fantasizing that I was in some club in London, Berlin or Barcelona. We got back to the Tortoise just in time for a sing-along in some room on the third floor and I think I made it back to my bunk around 4 a.m. Wow. I want to go back.
Saturday I was slow in getting up, but my dorm-mates were quick to point out that I was the last one in and must have great stories to spin. My only story cost someone two aspirin...I shared my love of the city and knowledge of the best stores. "FOREVER 21," I shouted to the only girl in the group who's name escapes me but I took to calling her POSH because she looks just like Victoria Beckham. We all talked about politics and of course I was quick to point out that I didn't vote for Bush...so I wasn't going to take the blame for all of the crap done in my name around the world. That seemed to help. No one likes that guy. Wonder why.
Anyway, I thought a little hair of the dog was in order, especially since it was noon and the Saloon was open. I took advantage of the GT's free breakkie and headed out to the bright sunny day. Yikes. Strip clubs open for business and I was beginning to wonder if they ever closed....
Had a beer at the Saloon on Grant and then as I was about to leave, this guy next to me says "hey wanna shot of Tequila?" NO. No no no. So, I had a beer in honor of Josh's birthday, along with his girlfriend Skylar, and made fast friends. Turns out they were from Pismo, up for the weekend for his 23rd birthday. The skateboarder and the princess. We ended up hanging out all day but by the time they were ready to go out for the night, the old lady here was so pooped, I passed out by 9. Got up around midnight and scooted over to VIXEN for a martini, talked to a guy about to ship out to Iraq, back to bed and slept until 10 a.m.
After breakfast, it was off to Vesuvius for a bloody mary and catch up some Harry Potter, when some Irish guy named Kevin started breathing his fresh whiskey breath all over me. Yum. NOT! I had to ditch him by running around the block, into City Lights book store and then back. Dude, nice 9 a.m. whiskey. I mean, if you are on holiday...maybe, but HELLO!!!! Anyway, I walked all over China Town and ended up at Larry Flint's Hustler Club...okay, I was curious! But, I managed to buy a killer t-shirt that says "barely legal" and promptly wore it to work the next day. Great souvenir, don't ya think? I can't wait to go back. If you are ever traveling to San Francisco and want to make instant friends, I highly recommend the Tortoise. I have so many memories there and besides, they don't just offer a bed. Check out their website and see the amazing cross-country bus trips they offer. From San Fran to Alaska, Yosemite, and even across the country. They even do Burning Man, which, if I ever go again, I'm taking the Tortoise FOR SURE! It's better than going alone, living on a diet of playa dust and Coors Light. But I digress... www.greentortoise.com