This image is a reflection of exactly how I feel right now. Like, the last 9 months have been a total farce...a blur...and I have been living my life in some horrible dream state. Of course, this is me "Simpsonized," (cool, huh?) but you get the point. I could just scream right now, and am in between bouts of horrible crying and "it could be worse," sort of moods. Of course, it always could be worse and it's during the crying spells that I remind myself of just how much worse it could be! Whew!
Because of some unforeseen events and some really horrible judgement on my part, I won't be able to get back to Europe like I planned. I am planning to dedicate a blog for each reason, not that anyone really cares, but it's cathartic for me to spill my guts, to confess, to let go and of course, move on. Burning Man is a mere 10 days away, and the playa is calling...The Man burns on my birthday, which in and of itself, should be an incredible catharsis.
In a nutshell, I quit both of my jobs...on the same day. Just quit. I have never done that before but I was insanely unhappy...being stuck in Stepford will do that to a girl. It's not that I didn't like the places or the guests or the food or the menu's, or even my co-workers. It's just that when I realized my plans had hit the shitter, I could no longer pretend that I wasn't suffocating. I was suffering for the ultimate prize: back to Europe, back to Italy and back to something... Yet, now, I realize i wasn't running towards something, I was running away from something. (Of course, I was running towards someone but he called and announced that I was no longer welcome due to the unforeseen event of falling in love with someone else. Ahhh, la vita bruta. So, I just looked around and thought " I have been suffering to save my money, and I have saved and now I am going to take a couple of months off to get my soul back, to pull my head out and actually make a plan.
My Uncle Jerry Quilling passed away last week...bless him. I love my Auntie Pat and all of my cousins, so just for the record, I am so sorry and I love and miss you all!
I also have another issue hanging over my head, which I will deal with in another blog. As expected, it's a huge issue. Bigger than broken hearts and lost jobs...but one that needs it's own column space.
So, here I have been, a little cartoon caricature of myself...floating around pretending to be happy and absolutely miserable all the while. Ho freakin' hum.
So, onward and upward.
~I am going to Burning Man!
~I met a really sweet new friend named Luca, who is from Northern Italy...Balzano to be exact. He is my age...and studying Cognitive Sciences at Cal. Who wouldda thunk! I love him, he is such a new and fun friend and keeps me sane. They are out there, my Euro friends...we went on a motorcycle ride up to Point Reyes last week! It was a blast and I will supplement the next blog with photos...
~I might go to New York City to meet my friend Nick, the one I stayed with in London!
~My friend, David, from Glasgow, is coming to stay with me for a week in September!
~I met a new photographer friend and we are going to work on some projects together!
~I am going to sell my car and move to San Francisco, where I am convinced my chakras will be purified and I will get new inspiration. So what if I have to wait a year to move to Italy? It's best that I take my time. I am going to get my TEFL certificate and bribe someone to marry me. NEED THE EURO PASSPORT! (Any takers????)
So, we move along...and there we will be.
