Wild, Weird and Wonderful Bangkok...

So much to say and all of it banging around in my head like a metal sphere in a pinball machine. I'm exhausted and it's only been 48 hours. Pushing to the limits, always. Otherwise, it wouldn't be me.


I left Wednesday night, the sixth which seems like either five minutes ago or five weeks. China Air isn't what I would call the BEST carrier with whom I have ever flown, but it was cheap and other than the gaggle of screaming toddlers and the waft of the lavatory which was stationed directly behind me...(frankly my olfactory senses were put through a rigorous test, and won't be forgiving me anytime soon for picking seat 46 C.) Managed to sleep for most of it, then landed in Taipei, which is worth skipping if you are interested. Then, I got a nifty surprise..a random stop in Hong Kong. I must have been under duress when I booked my flight, as I never would have entertained that journey, which put me at about 24 hours en route. Nonetheless, I made the best of it by running to the nearest caviar booth and ordered a Stella, which in my universe, constitutes a proper "visit" or is just a half a point towards putting said city on my map of conquest. BEER = VISIT! It also cost me around $20. Still pondering that decision, but it sure went down well.


Got through immigration and customs in record time and even my bag was among the first off the plane. Walked outside to the 89 degree humidity and ordered a cab to Sukumvit...Hotel Citadines, Soi 3. Seemed easy enough but my Laotian cab driver had no idea where this was. He also had no idea that I didn't speak a word of...erm, Laotian/Thai...uh, something? He just kept chatting away which I thought hilarious so I started chatting to him in Spanish just to keep the party rolling. The only English he knew was "TOO MUCH BAHT!" and "THAILAND TRAFFIC BAD!" We sat for an hour in Bangkok traffic and I just smiled because for this girl, arriving in a new city is up there with shagging and a good meal at Frascati.






Finally arrived at hotel where I was greeted by a smiling and very buzzed Howie, who whisked me away to his friends restaurant on SOI 16 called Los Cabos. No, I wasn't in the mood for Mexican and I don't drink Tequila but I played nice because it's Howie and I was too tired to care. Met Bob Vaughn, who is a and ex-Pat from SF and a gem of a gent. Happy hour was lovely, broke-down and shared guac and chips and feasted on ribs and quesadillas. Was dying for some street food but didn't argue. That was to come.






Lost Howie to a massage, so I opted to get back to hotel room and freshen. Since I was running on fumes, I acquiesced to an early night, but needed to at least get a glimpse of this crazy city.


I quickly realized that being a Western woman in this town, well, at least in this neighborhood, I had absolutely no game. None. No one wanted to talk to me, which honestly was fine because for once I wasn't in the mood to flirt and/or stave-off attention. However, I didn't want to sit in my room so I walked over to the mini red-light area, took a deep breath, held my head up high and dove right on in.



I found a little out-door bar with about 15 working women...well, working, and stood out like a nun at a gay bar. I got some pretty odd looks but never to be deterred, I just ordered a beer and asked if I could sit down and watch the Premier League game that was blaring from the flat screen above. I paid my 150 BAHT and tipped 50 BAHT to get on the good side of MAI, who I affectionately referred to as "Big Mamma." I also quickly learned there is a hierarchy to the entire affair. Big Mamma was boss and in charge of the money. Then, there are about 5 "Aunties" who look after the bar. The next group are younger girls who bring the drinks to the tables. Finally, there is a group of girls who dress in mini skirts, go-go boots and bikini tops who dance, and well, etc. I offered up a peace-chain (in Thai of course) http://www.peace-chain.com/ and the next thing I knew, I was being massaged, my hair was braided and I became the mascot of the bunch. I decided it was my best course of action if I were to gain any respect in this world run by women. Oh, I also bought 12 shots of Whisky, which didn't hurt my reputation. I was glad I could contribute to the economy and made a few friends in the process. I also learned that I would forever be referred to as "madame." Everyone called me madame. Pronounced "Jean-Claude Van MA-damme." You get the picture.



I then took a Tuk Tuk ride all over the city for an hour and was certainly over-charged but that is usual for me on the first night in a new city with weird money and complete oblivion to the exchange rate. He even tried to take me to an expensive spa but I had enough wits about me to say no.





Bloated, beleaguered and buzzed, I went back to my neighborhood and for 400 BAHT, roughly $12, got an hour-long oily massage and fell asleep, only to wake up covered in drool and certain I snored throughout.


I then promptly passed ton my beautiful fluffy bed, only to wake up at 2 a.m., jet-lagged but oh so happy to be where I was.



I wandered out on Saturday morning, around 7:30, just to get my bearings and just in time to smell the left-over stench from the previous hours of debauchery. As I walked under the sky train, I was accosted by a "Mr. Mongkol," who as it turns out, works for the Information Ministry. He took me to 7-11 to get water and then gave me his number in case I needed his help. REALLY? Odd. but so nice. I still can't figure out what his motives were. Was he being pervvy or genuinely nice? I ran into him about 5 more times, and he kept asking me if I needed anything and then I finally said "ok, I want to go to the floating market" so he hired me a Tuk Tuk dude, named Mr. Velapon, who whisked me to the Tourism office, where I booked the rest of my trip. Then, Mr. Velaphon took me to the same spa as rip-off guy and I felt so bad that I just went and spent too much and was slightly annoyed but got over it quickly. As for Mr. Velapon, I am sure that I made a critical error in judgement when I gave him 100 BAHT and told him to go and have some lunch while he waited for me at the spa. I am now convinced that he thought, and still thinks, I was paying him for services rendered and now I am a stupid cheap American girl and forever will be known as such. Crap...I keep looking for him or at least Mr. Monkgol, to salvage my battered reputation and even worse, bad Karma, but alas, nothing I can do now.





Let it be written now and forever, I TRIED!


I proceeded to go back to my room for a 4 p.m. cat nap which turned into a 14 hour R.E.M. festival. Drank a gallon of water when I woke up, which was 4 a.m. Showered then got ready for Floating Market tour, which began promptly at 6:30.


I'm not one for tours, EVER! but the market is way out of town and it seemed like the right thing at the time. However, it turned out that we were stuck in the van for most of it, which stopped at every side show in central Thailand. Snakes, Elephants, Crocodiles, Mongoose, OH MY!





The van was comprised of two Norwegian kids, a couple dudes from the Sudan, two girls from China, an Indian guy and a bunch of Italians. Floating Market was amazing and cannot be sufficiently described through words. Will post photos upon my return. It was amazing and I ate something from every floating stall and canoe I could find. Food is cheap and tasty here and I could live on every dish. I am a big fan of soup for breakfast now. 25 BAHT= .75 cents.




After the snake show, I was transferred to 3 other vans and was starting to get a little tired of it when I somehow arrived back in my 'hood, just in time for Happy Hour and a cold Tiger beer.


This is a wacky town, and I laugh at every turn. Big German men in their sandals and Bermuda shorts dot the streets and corners, looking for fun and temporary girlfriends. Cute little Thai girls walk around in sor shorts, with sandals and VERY long toenails, always polished with some kind of decoration. One trend I've noticed is the "reverse mullet." Picture a beautiful Thai girl coming at you with long, flowing hair down to her waist. She turns around, and WHOA! Precision bob. So, I guess it's "party in the front, business in the back!"


So wacky. And strangely cute.


I'm just back from tour, about to go and gorge on more street food, I had my eye on some satay from a vendor across the street, and maybe more noodles. Who knows? I'm also going to work out at the hotel gym, to compensate for the beer bloat and general malaise that comes with the afternoon. Howie and I will share a dinner and say goodbye tonight, he is leaving for Ho Chi Minh City and I am taking the night train to Chiang Mai tomorrow where I will go on a trek and stay in a hammock with a mountain tribe. That is the plan anyway. I am also hitting the BOBE market tomorrow where I will buy some cargo pants. Need them for the Trek and will save the rest of my shopping for Night Market in Chiang Mai. SWEET! Sister and mom will be easy to shop for...dad, well. I keep looking. I have many choices, one can buy almost anything ont he street including Viagra and numchuks.



Will try to post again from CM, staying at a great guest house, where I am sure to run into a band of Aussies and some random "others." Looking forward to meeting people. Forgot what it's like to be a chick traveling solo. Don't mind it, but it's odd. Lots of stares and people telling me to either be careful, or that I am really brave. Maybe I'm just crazy.

Having a blast, finding my chi again but I've already chalked this trip up to a scouting event, a primer if you will. The next time it's ASIAPOLLUZA!!!

Hope this finds you well.

Laters!